DOOLEY DOES DYLAN ... THE LYRICS

AH, THE PAIN OF ARTHUR  ITIS

CONSTIPATION DEEP INSIDE US

BAD CASE OF DIABETES

GIVIN’ ME THE HEEBIE JEEBIES

LOSS OF APPETITE

LOSS OF HEARING

AND IF YA'  PLEASE

LOSS OF KEYS

LOOK OUT KID,

THIS IS WHAT THEY DID

LIVIN’ WITH THE LIVER SPOTS

CAUGHT A REALLY BAD COUGH

GOT OSTEOPOROSIS

AND I GOT CIRRHOSIS

ON TOP OF EVERYTHING

I GOT STUCK WITH SCOLIOSIS

Card reading :  HIVES

Voice over: I need Obama Care

MUNCHIES MAKE ME WANNA EAT

HEMORRHOIDS…YA' GOT ME BEAT

OH WOW…IRRITABLE BOWEL

FLATULENCE…I GOT IT NOW

MEMORY—JUST NOW GOT BADDER

Blank card.

Blank card.

GALL STONES IN THE BLADDER

LOOK OUT KID, THIS IS WHAT THEY DID

WENT AND GOT A HIP REPLACEMENT

CRABS…DOWN IN THE BASEMENT

SUFFERIN’ FROM SHINGLES

SCUFFERIN’ FROM SCURVY

I WAS KINDA COOL WITH THAT

BUT PROSTATE UNNERVED ME

Voice over: Where the hell’s Kevorkian?

AH, HEART MURMUR’S NEVER FUN

OH, THAT HERNIA… THAT’S THE ONE

I’M TENSE AND JUMPY, ALL BECAUSE

OF MENOPAUSE

AND RICKETS… SUCKS

…AND… ACID REFLUX

Voice over: Reflux?...Reflux?...Reflux?

LOOK OUT KID, THIS IS WHAT THEY DID

DAMN THE DAMN INSOMNIA

DYSPEPSIA’S A BUMMER

BUT LOOKIN’ ON THE LIGHTER SIDE

IF THERE IS A LIGHTER SIDE

DIET DYSPEPSIA’S

REAL GOOD IN THE SUMMER

Card reading: Erection lasting more than 4 minutes.

LES DIXIA

I MEAN, DYS LEXICO

ER, LOOSE DIXIE CUP

Card reading: Oh, Fuck it.

I’M FATIGUED…IT JUST AIN’T FAIR

SAVE ME A SPOT IN INTENSIVE CARE.

Hospital beeps.

OH BOY, NOW IT’S CRITICAL

Hospital beeps.

WORSE THAN THAT. IT’S TERMINAL.

Flat line.

Silent interval.

Card reading: Rigor Mortis.

Credits.